Updated: Jun 13, 2021
I made an analogy the other day whereby I compared myself to a hermit crab that was between shells.
Picture if you will, a hermit crab. This was me, secure in my shell up until the age of seven when I was suddenly yanked from my beautiful, spiral exterior. My parents separated and my relationship with my dad went awry (cliched but true) and the bullying, emotional, sometimes physical, and definitely sexual abuses started (also cliched and true).
I was shell-less at the tender age of 8. What followed was 44 years...44 YEARS!!...of this little hermit crab trying to find and fit into a suitable shell. Unfortunately, that meant 44 years of:
Soul deadening jobs
I had just recently become shell-less again after having crawled out of yet another ill-fitting shell substitute when I made the aforementioned analogy to my friend. I explained that I'm once again in a position to make decisions based on my desperation to fit in, feel secure and accepted, loved, respected, cherished, desired (Cue the dramatic music - camera slowly zooms in as the lead actress starts to cry, explaining how never knowing her father's love is what broke her in the first place, whine whine, woe is me).
Well, this morning, as I drove in to my day gig (SIGH - that's for another post), I was mulling over the analogy. Obsessing is more like it, as my brain tends to do that - gets an idea and worries at it like a puppy with a new chew toy. Anyway, as I was mulling, my Divinity dropped a truth bomb in the middle of my thoughts. She leaned in and whispered, at the top of her lungs,
"You're a f@#$%ing Dragon!!
Stop trying to fit into a hermit crab shell!!"
Hmph. No wonder those shells never fit.