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  • Dana Ellington

The Only Chip in the Cookie

How you see yourself in relation to others matters a great deal in how you end up interacting with them. Here's a brief take on how I've spent most of my life when it came to my interactions with other humans. (I left out how I came to be this way because I'd rather focus on what to do going forward instead of how I got here.)




Often, I find myself being the only…

  • the only black person,

  • the only woman,

  • the only black woman,

  • the only bald woman,

  • the only business owner,

  • the only writer (self-published with 5 books under my belt),

  • the only reader (who reads for fun, reads indie authors),

  • the only one who isn’t up on the latest meme, fad, fashion

  • the only one not interested in the latest gossip

  • the only woman who doesn’t wear makeup

  • the only introvert

  • the only person who doesn’t have a television; streaming subscription

  • the only one who wants to go dancing

  • the only one who’s into dragons, vampires, spirituality / witchcraft

  • the only one who doesn’t talk through movies

  • the only one who isn’t into Tyler Perry, Beyonce, or Hip-Hop culture

  • the only one who doesn’t see “bitch” as a compliment

  • the only one who knows all the words to Bon Jovi’s “Wanted, Dead or Alive”

  • the only one who isn’t complaining

  • the only one who can’t “afford” to…

  • the only one who isn’t that pressed about ‘winning’ and instead just wants to have fun

  • the only one who wants to talk about the plot

  • the only one who’s afraid

I could probably find so many more, but working on this piece got me to thinking. I have spent a lifetime so far, focused on, being reminded of all the ways I don’t fit in. This keeps me forever on the outside. What happens if I instead focus on the ways I fit in…

  • we have feelings

  • we have valid ideas and opinions

  • we desire to be included, accepted, and loved

  • we are intelligent

  • we have struggles we don’t want to admit to

  • we want to be respected, heard, and understood

  • we’re women

  • we’re proud of who we are and what we’ve been through

  • we’re strong

  • we’re human

Granted, not as long a list because I’ve not spent as much time thinking in terms of commonalities. I have a lot of work to do.

Before you go, tell me in the comments what do you tend to focus on when you first meet new people? Do you search for common ground or do you immediately pick out what sets you apart? By focusing on what connects me to someone, I believe I'll find the opportunities to connect that I've been wanting. I mean let's face it, we're all in this cookie together.





Thank you for stopping by. As always,

Sending love and light,

Dana

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